I must have been abducted by aliens last night.

I woke up with a painful cricked neck. I blew my nose, only for it to start bleeding profusely.

These things don’t just happen by accident! Surely the only rational explanation is that I was abducted by aliens, who implanted a tracking device in my nose (hence the bleeding), twisting my neck whilst attempting to gain purchase on my nostrils (thus causing my painful neck).