Whereas the Apostrophe is most grievously abused these recent years;
And Whereas it is frequently inserted inappropriately into random Words and Plurals, wherein it does not belong;
And Whereas the same is often not to be found in its Rightful Place, indicating Elision or the Possessive Case, where it ought by rights to exist;
And Whereas the Idiosyncratic Rules governing the Just Orthography of some of the Commonest Words of our Tongue are but a Mystery to the greater part of the Public;
And Whereas the Apostrophe can no longer be relied upon to distinguish between Homophones;
And Whereas it is now little more than a Gratuitous Decoration, serving no longer any Useful Purpose;
And Whereas the Incorrect Addition of an Apostrophe is more bothersome to the Eye than its Absence;
Therefore, a Novel Proposal is suggested, that henceforth, the Apostrophe be Banished from the Writing of the English Language.