If you’ve had enough of poorly-targeted h3rba1 v!agr4 and breast-enlargement spams, I have bad news. Even the paranoid are now turning to bulk email to get their incoherent rants across to a wider audience. The following excerpts are from a very long message posted to the ruby-talk mailing list. The mailing list addresses the Ruby programming language, which makes this message extremely off-topic!

FBI has been MENTALLY TORTURING me with 24X7 surveillance for the last three years inside and outside my apartment with video surveillance devices and motion sensors around my apartment, my phone has been tapped, my web surfing is being monitored all the time for the last three years, my emails are being monitored, gps vehicle tracking devices and voice amplification devices have been placed in my car and undercover FBI agents have followed me to restaurants, grocery stores, malls, movie theatres, banks and even barber shops etc and forced me to live like an animal and a virtual prisoner for three years.

It sounds even worse than Blunkett’s Britain! Fortunately, in case you were dubious, the veracity of our subject’s claims can be proven:

You can do a quick investigative test by emailing to [email address removed] and asking Frank if he is an undercover FBI agent and I am absolutely positive he WONT respond and DENY he is an FBI agent because then it will be a LIE. With this test you can conclude Frank [surname] is indeed an undercover FBI agent.

Who can argue with logic like that? He or she has some bizarre complaints, too:

FBI agents ILLEGALLY entered my apartment when I was not home in May 2004, stole a “yellow highlighter” and after I moved to a different Atlanta suburbs a month later entered my apartment again when I was not home and placed the “yellow highlighter” on the carpet in the middle of my bedroom by the time I came back from watching Fahrenheit 9/11 movie on 6/27/04. The FBI knew that I went to watch Fahrenheit 9/11 movie on 6/27/04 because they were watching me looking for directions and movie times on the internet and also with the help of gps vehicle tracking devices in my car.

Well, I suppose it was good of the FBI to return the borrowed yellow highlighter (you’ll forgive me if I eschew the superfluous quotes, I hope). But wait! It turns out that the FBI have either a stationery provisioning problem, or a pen-fetishising kleptomaniac employee, because they did it again!

FBI agents STOLE a pilot pen pack (which I bought from CVS Pharmacy on 8/8/04) from my car on the night of 8/8/04 and entered my apartment on 8/9/04 when I was not home from 11 AM—12 noon and placed the pilot pen pack under a chair on the carpet in the living room to torture me.

You can read the full message, if you like. There’s a brilliant riposte on another newsgroup.